A Story of Grace

My name is Lindsay Scarbrough and I have been attending Grace for almost a year and it has been such a blessing. 

​About a year ago, I really started to struggle with anger and later we found out anxiety along with OCD and depression. There were times where I wouldn’t feel emotion at all. I also would feel very guilty for the ways I reacted things because I knew it was wrong. I knew I wasn’t myself and there is nothing more crushing than not knowing why you are reacting a certain way and try as hard as you might, you can’t do anything. It feels like you are drowning. After a particularly bad breakdown, my husband and I decided it was time to see some outside help. I was able to start going to a counselorwho is a Christian and it has been very helpful. I have slowly been able to work through some of the struggles and begin to get better. 

​During that difficult year, I had changed my major at Hagerstown Community College to Theatre. I was taking a practicum in prop research and construction. This meant that I got to be in the scene shop at school three days a week working on props for the upcoming shows. As the semester progressed, I came to realize that the scene shop and theatre were the place that I was totally fine and didn’t struggle with the compulsions and anxiety. I could work with my hands and do what I love. In May, I was able to reach out and get connect with Maryland Entertainment Group [MEG], a theatre company with some connections to Hagerstown Community College. I have had the chance to work with them as a props master and did my first show with them at the end of June. This has been a huge blessing and a wonderful opportunity. 

As I have seen the Lord bless me in theatre with providing the opportunity with MEG and bringing me to a place where I don’t struggle and have had a place to heal, I know that it is where I need to be. I hope that He can use me and I can be a light for him as I work in the theatre world. It is my desire to glorify Him in all that I do. 

I have seen God’s grace in my life, especially through the past year. Going to a counselor and seeking that help was a very difficult step for me to take. I had never imagined having to deal with words like compulsions, depression, and coping. Without God’s help and giving me strength, I don’t think I could have taken that step in seeking help and would be in that dark place I was a year ago. I have also seen God’s grace in my life in leading me to the theatre program at the college and blessing my efforts in that and my job with MEG. It is because of the Lord and His grace and mercy, that I where I am today. His grace is something I am truly thankful for. I still have a long road ahead and would be most grateful for prayers as I continue to heal.  

Goodbye is not Forever- Short story

            It had been only two weeks since we went into hiding, but to me, it felt like an eternity. I had just turned sixteen the month the Nazis came into our country, Poland, and started rounding up the Jews. My older brother Rafael and my father, I had been hiding in our uncle’s house and so far we hadn’t been discovered.

            I was sitting on the floor playing chess with my twenty-one year old brother one day. We both have the same dark brown hair and brown eyes. He had a twisted, but friendly smile and had always been my greatest protector.

             “How much longer do you think we will have to hide, Rafael?” I asked, moving one of my chess pieces. “I am so tired of staying indoors all the time.”

            “I do not know, little one,” Rafael replied. “Uncle David says it is still dangerous for us.”

            I sighed. I wanted to be free as a bird, free to fly! I didn’t want to have to wear a yellow star on my clothes or have a “J” on my identification papers. I guess I really just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Unfortunately for us Jews, that wasn't possible...

            Rafael made a skilled move with his chess piece. “We have nothing to fear at the moment,” he said, looking me in the eye. “Ah-ha! Checkmate.”

            Just in time too, because Uncle David called, “Tzipporah! Rafael! It is time to eat!”

            We joined Papa and our uncle in the small kitchen and sat down across from them. Papa said a prayer in Hebrew and after he finished, Uncle David told us that he had news for us. “But, I don’t think it was what you were hoping for,” he said. “The Nazis are getting closer to us and I fear that our worst nightmare is going to become reality.”

            I looked at Rafael and then at Papa. “Papa, What are we going to do?!” I asked.          “I do not know, Tzipporah,” he said, putting his head in his hands. “I do not know.”

            Later that night I sat in front of the window, gazing up at the starry night sky. It seemed so still that night, so perfect. Suddenly, I heard shouting and loud noises coming from the kitchen. A Nazi officer burst into the room and grabbed my arm, pulling me out with him. Another solider had Papa firmly in his grip. I remember seeing Uncle David on the ground with blood all over his chest. He wasn't moving and I guess that the Nazis had shot him for trying to stop them from finding us in the inner room. They took us out to a wagon where there were other people they had taken and I noticed some of them weren't even Jewish. I was very frightened and drew close to my father for comfort. “I’m scared, Papa,” I whispered.

            The journey to the camp is a blur now but I clearly remember being separated from my father when we reached it. “Papa!” I screamed frantically as two Nazi soldiers pulled me away from him. “Papa!”

            “Tzipporah, I love you!” he yelled back as they forced him over with the other men. “I will see you again, child! Whether it is here or in Heaven.”

            “I love you too, Papa!” I cried, as I lost sight of him in the crowd.

            There are no words to describe what the camp was like. We were in a labor camp and all had to wear the same thing. They shaved our heads when we got there, but the worst of all was having an identification number tattooed on my arm. I remember several Nazi guards having to hold me down as I yelled.

            Our barracks weren’t the nicest either and there were lice and rats. They were cramped and the bunks were hard and wooden. We got to eat occasionally and when we did, it wasn’t very substantial. Many of the prisoners grew weak and when they did, the guards took them away and we never saw them again. I can remember late into the night, crying out to God for deliverance like it came for my ancestors in Egypt. Would it come for me?

            When I had been in the camp for at least two weeks, the doors to our barracks were thrown open late one night. We were forced out into the cold night and I guessed we were going to be made to go on a march. I was wrong and found myself standing at the front of the crowd. I saw two Nazis standing with a male prisoner between them and I was confused as to why they had a male prisoner in our section of camp since it was the female section.  He had his head down and his hands were bound behind him. One of the officers who ran the camp stepped forward and grabbed the prisoner’s hair, pulling his head up before saying, “This young man thought he would be spared from the same fate as you. But in fact he was wrong...no one can escape from us. We must do what is necessary.”    

            I shuddered. The guards had struck terror into each one of our hearts since the beginning of our time at the camp. I had seen them beat prisoners, torment them, and kill them. They were not to be messed with, and you learned that from the beginning.

             The guards shouted for us to get back into our barracks and we all hurried inside. I sat on the floor by one of the bunks and hugged my knees to my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible. I could hear the guards hitting and kicking someone. I guessed that it must be the prisoner and I felt pity for him.

             A few minutes later, the doors to our barracks opened again, startling me. The guards tossed the prisoner in and then shut the door. He scrambled quickly into the far corner and kept his head down. They had unbound his hands and he was rubbing his wrists which looked very sore and chafed.

            I looked left and right before slowly approaching him. I knelt down in front of him and he slowly lifted his head. His face was bloody from the beating he’d received from the guards, but I recognized those brown eyes. It was Rafael, my brother. I gasped and stuttered, “What….how…?”

             “Tzipporah?” Rafael whispered in shock. “Is it really you?”

            I nodded. “Why are you here?” I asked, still stunned. “I thought they shot you.”

            Rafael lowered his gaze and then said, “I betrayed you and Papa.”

            “You did what?” I asked.

            Rafael tried to wipe the blood from his face and looked me straight in the eye. “I told the Nazis where you were,” he said.  

            I was speechless and didn’t know how to react. At last I managed to quietly ask, “Why, Rafael?”

            He looked at me. “I was afraid, little one,” he tried to explain.

            “You were afraid?” I asked.

            He nodded. “I was afraid of the Nazis and what they would do to us if they caught us,” he said. “I thought that if I told them where you were, they would let me go free and I would be safe.”

            I looked down at my hands. My own brother, my own flesh and blood, had betrayed me.

            Then to my surprise, Rafael began to weep. He wept so hard that it sounded like his heart was breaking. I took him into my arms and he cried into my shoulder as his whole body shook with sobs.

            “I am so sorry, Tzipporah,” he cried. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this.”

            “I know, Rafael,” I replied.

            He sat back up and I paused before saying, “Rafael?”

            “Yes?”

            I took a deep breath and said, “I forgive you.”

            “What?” he asked. “I turned you and Papa in.”  

            I nodded and repeated, “I forgive you.”

             I scooted next to him and laid my head on his shoulder. He laid his head on top of mine and let out a sigh. “Rafael?” I asked.

            “Yes, little one?” he replied.

            “I am glad you are here with me,” I told him.

            He kissed the top of my head and replied, “So am I, Tzipporah.”

            I closed my eyes and Rafael began to softly sing in his strong tenor voice. For a short moment, I found peace amidst chaos.

       *                                                               *                                                          *

             It was a few weeks later when they came and took Rafael away. I clung to him and he held me in one final tight hug. “Goodbye is not forever. I will see you again!” he said, kissing me quickly on my forehead. “I love you, little one.”

            The Nazis roughly pulled him away from me. “I love you too, Rafael!”  I cried out to him before he taken was out of sight.

            A few moments later, a gunshot rang out, echoing across the still camp. I sank to the ground, knowing what it meant as silent tears ran down my cheeks.

            Rafael was right; I will see him and Papa again in Heaven.

             

White as Snow

Winter. Winter means cold, which is what it has definitely been recently. Winter also brings with it ice, sleet, treacherous road travel depending where you live and snow. Winter weather can strike and change plans that you might have made. Yet, we have been blessed with a variety of different seasons. It could just be winter all the time, or just spring all the time (which might be nice after what seems like an eternal winter), but no.
We have four different seasons that we get to experience and enjoy each year and each season has its own unique aspect to it. Think about it. In summer, you can go to the beach and the days are longer and warmer. Spring means winter is over and there is new life all around as flowers grow and the grass turns green again. Fall is still somewhat warm and brings with it the beauty of the leaves as they change from green to reds, oranges and yellows. And then there's winter which brings snow, snowflakes and  ice skating and sledding among other things. I am thankful that with each season, there is something different to been seen or enjoyed.
Winter can seem to stretch on and on though, as it gets cold and the sky likes to stay grey. It can be so easy to complain about the cold and how we want spring and summer to come back quickly so that the days get warmer and longer. The one thing I like about winter is the snow. It can be beautiful and lovely as it coats the ground making it look like someone has dusted the earth with pure white sugar. Snow, to me, holds a beautiful reminder about Christ's saving work on the cross. I came across this verse in Isaiah when I was doing my devotions reading the other morning:

“Come now, let us settle the matter,”
    says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
    they shall be like wool." 

Isaiah 1:18 (NIV)

Because of Jesus' blood, we are washed white as snow. He takes away our sin, and we have new life in Him. So when there is snow on the ground and I look out and see it, that is what I am reminded of. 

A New Year and New Adventures

It's hard to believe that 2015 is already here. It's seems like 2014 flew by and yet so much went on. I find it incredible how much can go on in one year. As I look back and ponder over the year that just ended, there were both some good things and some trials that were faced. I dealt with a shoulder injury that made it difficult to work and required physical therapy and not doing some activities that I liked doing. And yet with time and therapy I was able to overcome that injury a little bit. It sill bothers me from time to time, but it has healed and definitely improved.
   This year I also decided to switch majors. The deciding factor on that was my smaller build and some physical limitations. Also after having done work in the veterinary field for about a year, I decided that it really wasn't for me. It was not an easy decision to make, but I think it was for the best. I will no longer be pursing a vet tech degree, but will be doing something else. This also means that I will be leaving the veterinary hospital where I have been working for almost two years. I had interned with Greencastle Veterinary Hospital my senior year of high school and then worked as a paid employee after I finished high school. It has been a wonderful place to be and I am very blessed to have had the opportunity to work and learn there. At this point I do not know what I will be doing for school and what I will be majoring in. I would love to be able to do something involving American Sign Language (ASL) but I am not sure what. Right now I am looking at different things and praying and seeking God's will and direction. I know that He has a plan and a purpose for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and take comfort in that. Sometimes I wish that I knew what I should be doing with my life. It would so much easier if I did and if I was the one in control. I think it can be so easy to want to be in control of our lives and what happens. But in His goodness and His mercy, God does not allow that. If we were in charge of our lives, it wouldn't be good and I am pretty sure it would be a mess. So, even thought we want to be in charge, it is God who has written our story and ordained our days. Through this i have been learning to trust Him more and lean upon Him as he guides my steps. I am excited for this new adventure though!
   One of the other trials that I faced this year came at the end when my grandma passed away on December 31st unexpectedly from cancer. That was hard. That was very hard. I loved her so much and miss her terribly. I take comfort in knowing that she is no longer suffering and is with Christ. I was not expected the year to end that way. I am so very thankful that God does not abandon us during those difficult times and that he stays right by our side and carries us. He holds us in His arms and gives us strength when we need it. He grows our faith through trials and works for the good of those who love him and who he had called according to his plan and purpose.
    Even though there are trials, there are good things too! One of the good things is that God brought a really wonderful guy into my life. Collin is a huge blessing and I am SO thankful for him. We have been seeing each other for pretty much six months. It was all in God's timing and His will that He brought us together. I am excited to see what God has in store for us in the future and where He leads us.
    This year I also made a wonderful group of friends from my church that I get to spend a good deal of time with. They also introduced me to hot tea and I am not sure how I have survived without it so far because tea is FANTASTIC.
    As 2015 begins, I am excited to see what it holds and what God has in store!

A Hard Goodbye

Goodbyes are never easy. Goodbyes are never fun. Goodbyes are a part of life.

Yesterday on New Year' Eve around 4pm, a very near and dear family member of mine passed away from cancer. My grandma, or Maw Maw as we called her, was someone who I loved very much. We spent a lot of time visiting her when we were growing up and she often would babysit us if my parents needed her to. So to me she was someone that I knew very well and was very near and dear to my heart.
When I think of my grandma, so many good memories come to mind. When I was younger and my family still lived up in Carlisle, we would go and visit her sometimes on Saturday afternoons at her home in Dillsburg. She and I would make macaroni and cheese, jello and sometimes even pizza. I can still clearly picture she and I standing in her kitchen making jello together. I loved getting to help her with that! She also usually had some fruit snacks or fruit by the foot on hand for us when we came, especially when we were younger and visited her so much. I always enjoyed getting to eat Scooby Doo fruit snacks and watch Scooby Doo on her big TV. Then there were those times when the whole family would go and see her and we'd have a really nice dinner together and then spend the evening playing games. I can remember that she and my parents always played a game called Sequence. When my sister and I got older we were able to join into and that made for a fun game night. Out of all the memories that I have, one of the best is when we got to spend the night and she would make us big pancakes in the morning. These were not just your normal sized pancakes I'm talking about. When she made them she filled the whole skillet with the mix and you ended up with a very large and delicious pancake. My sister could down about two or three of these pancakes in one sitting. My paw paw wolf, which was her husband, would make them that way and I guess that it's something that she kept on doing for us.
When we got older and our family moved in 2006, we didn't get to see her very much anymore. I look back now and wish that we could have seen her more, but it was harder due to the drive and being busy with school stuff. She would still come down on Christmas morning each year and we would have Stromboli and sparkling grape juice. She also would come to the Dinner theater plays I was in in high school and I am so glad she was able to. She also made it down for my graduation when I finished high school.
It was different this year because she got put in the hospital a couple weeks or so before Christmas an then we found out the Thursday before Christmas that she had cancer. So Christmas this year wasn't like the others because we went to visit her in the hospital and spent some time with her then. My cousin Ryan was able to come too, so all three grand kids were there to see her. I think she really enjoyed that. I am so glad we could go and see and brighten up her day.
No one knows how much time they have, I guess we were all thinking that she would have a little while longer. The last time I got to see her was about a week from last Friday when my boyfriend and I went to visit her at the nursing home where she had just been moved too, I had no idea that that would be my last time to ever see her. I was hoping to get up to Carlisle and see her again. But we are not in control of our lives or the time we have. I am really thankful that I had the chance to go and see her and spend that last bit of time I had with her.
We believe that Maw Maw was a Christian and was trusting in Jesus Christ. Therefore we can take hope and comfort in the promise of the Resurrection. Jesus said in John 11:25:  Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die" (NIV). So we can take comfort in this if we are believe in Christ for the forgiveness of our sins. 
 I am thankful for her and for the time I did get to have with her from when I was little up until that last visit that I had with her. I am going to miss her so very much. I will miss her  coming to visit and getting to go see her. I will miss her joining us on Christmas Day for lunch and to visit for the afternoon. But I am glad I have such wonderful memories to hold onto and remember her by and will always treasure them. She was sweetest and gave the best hugs and took up a special place in all her loved ones' hearts. Though she is gone now, I will never forget Maw Maw and will always love her.

Visiting Maw Maw on Christmas Day

Christmas Thoughts

As it is Christmas Eve, and almost Christmas, I found myself thinking. I was thinking that despite the craziness of life and all that is going on right now, the Christmas season is a somewhat peaceful and calm time of year. Well, it should be anyways...Maybe some will disagree with me. There always is the craziness of unplanned emergencies or sickness, trying to get those last gifts bought and wrapped, and trying to get the house ready for visiting family. And yet, it the midst of that when you just sit back and think about Christmas and what it means, it can be calm, peaceful and beautiful.
As I sit here writing this post, my mind is going back to that lowly stable that night. I doubt that Mary and Joseph were experiencing anything but peace as they made the final leg of their journey to Bethlehem. Mary was about to have a baby and Joseph was frantically trying to find a place for them to stay and where Mary could give birth to the Savior of the world. There was no room for them in any of the inns and they took shelter in a dirty stable. I think though that after Jesus was born, and Mary sat there holding him and looking into his little face, that she must have felt not only wonder and amazement, but also peace of heart. But those are just my thoughts. Imagine it though, holding the savior,,,,YOUR savior in your arms as a tiny new born baby knowing that one day that little baby would grow up and die on a cross for the sins of everyone ever to live. What a feeling that must have been!
My church had a Christmas eve service tonight and at the end, we all had little candles and as they were lit, we stood and sang "Silent Night" and "Joy to the World". The lights were off except for the ones over the stone wall where an oak cross hangs. As the candlelight flickered and voices sang in unison, It truly was a lovely and peaceful moment that I think will stand out in my mind for a long time. Life has been busy and even stressful at times as of late, but in that very moment, I felt peace and contentment as we sang about Christ's coming. I am so thankful that God sent His Son so that by Him we might be saved. That most certainly is the most wonderful gift of all.
So this Christmas season, even if there are difficult times, maybe even stressful times, I just want to encourage you to sit back for a moment and observe and remember what Christmas is truly about and about the peace that we can have through believing in the Lord Jesus Christ. It in Him that we can find peace which transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Merry Christmas!

A Plan and Purpose

You really never know what could happen or what God could do in your life. He has a plan though and He knows the end to each of our stories. Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (NIV). I am so very thankful that He does. If we were in charge and the ordainers of what happens in our lives, I feel like it would be a mess. A very sticky mess. I often feel like we WANT to be in control of our lives and what happens, but it is not so. It would be comforting to know the end, who we will marry, what our jobs will be, where we will be ten from now and yet, that is not how it is. God knew from before the creation of the world who we are, who we would be, what we would become, and whether or not we would believe in Him and be His child. How AWESOME is that?!  It's kind of mind boggling to know that He knew everything before He even created the world. That day on the cross, He suffered for and knew every sin that you and I would commit. And He loved us enough to die for us that day and give us new life in Him. What a wonderful glorious gift that is! We are so undeserving of it. We are dirty, helpless, lost sinners who deserve nothing more then the wrath of God. I am so thankful that He loves us and sent His Son to die for us.
Anyways, that just a short quick reflection on my end. May we always be trusting God's plan and purpose for each of our lives.